A Brief History

Me

Right, so once again it's been a while since I last wrote a blog, and since I last wrote a lot has changed.

I thought that first I would catch up those of you that don't know me or what I do.

A Brief History:

School: My entire education was at the Steiner School in South Devon, UK, an alternative, creativity based education, with a high population of hippies, veils, rounded corners and boys with long hair and unisex names.

College: This was a blip. I went to Exeter college, where I didn't really get on board with being forced through the sausage factory of white boards, text books and boring teachers. So I lasted a year, good grades, full of potential, left to follow a dream, that old chestnut.

Next: So after leaving college I worked for 6 months to save up for a course in Guitar Making. This was incredible, chilled out, creative woodwork, with an amazing teacher.
This course was in Totnes, where Chia Seed energy balls replace Red Bull, Barley cup is an acceptable substitute for real coffee, and there is nowhere to buy a pair of Trainers, but 125 different places to get your Chakras aligned.! You get the idea.

Chia seed energy balls

After the Guitar Making course I tried my hand at being a guitar maker, and aft
er a few months realised that I'd be better off trying to make money being a pig farmer in and Islamic community. So After meeting my wife and planning a family, I took up timber framing, and quickly went from timber framing into starting a building company with my brothers. and 6 happy years later ended up Bankrupt.

So, at 25 and bankrupt with 3 Children. I needed a sensible job that would be a guaranteed income for my growing family. A self-employed silversmith, perfect!

After a year or so stocking local galleries, doing shows, markets and parties, I decided the Jewellery game wasn't really for me.

Life in the van, Summer 2013 Pyrenees

So, I thought, obviously a change is in order. I took the only logical next step and started up a company selling Organic Superfoods. After about 15 months of this I got bored of putting dried food into packets hour after soul-destroying hour, and sold the business. 

With a new baby, taking our child tally to 4 (who we were home-educating at this point) we used the money in the only sensible way we could think, promptly bought a Van, converted it and went travelling around Europe for the next three months. Still to this day the most amazing thing we have done as a family.

After returning from our travels, the children tried a spell at school, then we decided for good to give home-schooling a real proper go. The children are immeasurably happier, more confident and our whole family life is crazy, but wonderfully fulfilling.

During this time I decided that I should get qualified, so following in the textbook style decision making process that I had taken so far I decided to be a personal trainer. This went well and it may surprise you to hear that I still practice as a personal trainer to this day.

Now, one thing that I forgot to mention is that since the age of 17 I undertook various trainings in leadership, coaching, mentoring & training. So after practicing these skills a lot over the years I decided to combine this with the personal training, so I am now a fully fledged life coach & personal trainer. And loving it.

I promise my future blogs will be shorter, but I thought that fitting my whole life into 500 words quite an achievement.

From now on this blog will be a place where I will share how our crazy life works, being self employed home-schooling 4 children deep in the Devon counrtyside, with pets, crazy neighbours, health foods, and sometimes managing to get the kids dressed in the morning. In the hope that either you may learn something from my ramblings or perhaps it'll just bring a smile to your face, knowing that someone else out there also doesn't know what their doing!

Home School

Until next time.......

Peace out,
Oliver

Still searching for happiness?

Eli literally stopping to smell the roses

All too often I find myself feeling like life is passing me by, like i'm not enjoying the everyday experience of existence. And sometimes i find myself searching and searching for some secret hidden meaning, some complex reason to explain this sense of imbalance.

Is it the change of the season? The change in my diet, maybe it's the different brand of spirulina? maybe my copper and zinc levels are low and that's throwing my chakras out of line with my spirit animals energy flow........?

Recently I did something that I never thought I'd find myself doing, giving up an addiction. In truth it was only coffee, I didn't get hooked on wheatgrass (largely because it tastes like lawn cuttings!) or anything stronger.

I have over the years done lots of work as a life coach, a personal trainer and also a nutritional mentor, and the subject of coffee has come up a lot with many of my clients. It seems that the natural nutritionist view (which I tend to take), of coffee being really very bad for you, for reasons I won't bore you with now, can be quite a controversial view. It seems that people are so determinedly blinded by their love of their chosen boost that they have sought out evidence to prove that this black elixir does them the world of good, like tincture for the soul.

Anyway, i digress. So, to cut a long story short, at the age of 30, having had a total of about 5 cups of coffee to date,I went to Italy, discovered the wonder that is a proper Italian espresso, enjoyed in the sun, early on a summer morning over looking the ocean. And I thought no harm would come of enjoying a few holiday espresso's. So, this inevitably led to bringing coffee home, purchasing a lovely manual espresso maker and in a short period creating it as a daily habit. Because that little boost, tricked my mind into thinking it was happy.

the kids showing us how to enjoy simple pleasures

After about a month I started to notice some changes, my energy dropped, I woke up everyday feeling like I had gone clubbing til the early hours, drank them out of spirits then aged 70years in my sleep! The headaches came, dehydration, the need for that daily boost started filling my mind. And little by little the black poison started eating away at my mind.... those happiness boosts clearly came at a price.




Not long before this I had been very healthy, fit and lived a very active life, with no side effects, now life started to become overwhelming, I didn't have anything left in my tank at the end of each day, instead of my life being about the bigger picture and using every day to create the context of a life I loved, life was about getting through the days, and then crashing, not sleeping properly, waking up feeling like hell, then starting again. Happiness eluded me in a way I had never before experienced.

lunch in the van, pure heaven

So this feeling got a bit old. I stopped the coffee. That's when  it really hit, the anger, sadness, feeling a bit depressed at some point in the day. I'm past all of that now and feeling like my old self again, but i now have an experience in giving up coffee and completely empathise with those around me that are doing the same.

And this is when it happened, I realised that I had spent those weeks/months lost inside of getting to the end of the day, getting to the end of the week, getting somewhere, anywhere, but not here. Somewhere that the grass was greener, that's where happiness is hiding. And in this fruitless journey to happiness it hit me, happiness is not a thing that one finds at the end of a journey, therefore searching for it is pointless. It's not about the pursuit of happiness, but the happiness of the pursuit. Enjoy now, because this is it, no later, no tomorrow, no someday.

happy family on our travels

The Secret To Happiness

We are all, in some way or another looking for the same thing. Happiness.

And what I have learned through years of listening, learning, living and teaching, is that it's really all very simple. It's about giving.

     
Where are you looking for it?

In the pursuit of happiness all too often we look to acquire knowledge, we think that somewhere out there there is a book, or a teacher or a course that can bring us happiness. But in my experience this is not the case.

Dens in the woods

There is nothing inherently wrong with acquiring knowledge, but knowledge is useless without action. I know many people who have spent a lifetime with their nose in a book in search of the secret key to happiness, and after reading every book out there, they still don't know why they haven't found it. 

It's because happiness isn't found in a book, happiness isn't found in a smartphone app, happiness isn't found in an online seminar.

Happiness is found in the real world.

I have learned more through being a parent than any course could have taught me in the pursuit of happiness. 

As a parent, my happiness is found in watching my children grow into wonderful people, and knowing that I played a part in that. The happiness is found in watching someone else succeed, even if it meant the occasional piece of suffering for myself.

I very rarely spend my time doing what I would consider to be things to make myself happy. Time to myself is scarce and I don't have any unfulfilled wants or desires to fill it when it comes.

What i have learned over the years is that doing things for myself can be fun, but in terms of finding happiness, that is found in bringing happiness to others.

Give it away

I find love in giving it to my children, I find joy in bringing them joy, and I find fulfillment in the knowledge that I am doing everything I can to bring them the best that I think life has to offer.

So if something is missing from your life, don't go looking for it, just give some away, then it will be there, whether it's love, happiness, joy or anything else.

Generosity is the easiest a quickest way to happiness, do something selfless for someone, watch it make their day, and then do it again, for someone else.

Chef at work

Lunch is served.

If you feel the urge to contact me you can do so at okdaly@hotmail.co.uk

Thanks for reading

Oliver

Vote for yourself

I have had very little interest in politics over the years. It's a boring mess of blandly neutral, privately schooled beurocrats, totally disconnected from real society, and afraid of thinking outside the box or rocking the boat, lest it should distance them from voters, in the sickly game of social seduction, where the world is promised, but once the votes have been cast, little is delivered. Leaving the only winners the politicians themselves.

I have not heard a great leaders speech in my lifetime from the mouth of a politician. A speech that talks to our hearts and our beliefs, and inspires something within us. Not one founded in the dreary world of finance, healthcare and statistics about employment. These are all formalities of politics, don't bore us with them and parade them as a sales pitch.

Most of the structures that form society as we know it are crumbling, almost every country in the world is in colossal debt, every day a new huge crisis is reported on the news. The health service can't cope, the road networks are jammed, the financial structure upon which everything is formed is fundamentally flawed, there aren't enough jobs to go around, nobody has any money and the schools are failing the next generation. And yet these people that call themselves leaders don't take a step back, look at this bigger picture, see that a transformation of society is what's needed, and bring it. As far as I can see now is the time to cast off any any safety net, and with nothing to lose, take a risk. Throw out these outdated ideas and bring something new to the table. Because the table is currently straining under the rotting mess that they have been piling up for far too long.

I believe that there is a positive way forward that would work, on every level. It embodies all that i have spoken about in previous blog posts, one of small, local, sustainable action. A life that doesn't depend upon a financial organisation to fund unnecessary change, that then leaves you helplessly indebted and under the power of somebody else. 

I'm talking about each person taking responsibility for their own life and how they live it. And only then would we see the strain ease on all of the national services, as people would take their health and happiness into their own hands. Then we would see a change in society, and a transformation of an entire nation. 

Who knows where we'll end up?

Most of what I see when I look around is people that are confined to their lives, having been led to believe that the way to succeed in life is to spend your days doing whatever it takes to fund a life that they say you should lead. Then the credit card debt talks of everything that has been paid for to try and make this bland existence at least bearable. And what I deal with everyday is people coming to me asking how to find happiness, can they reach it, is it even out there?

It is, it's a lot closer than you think. All it takes is rediscovering what you believe, rekindle the flame of whatever truly lights you up and make it possible, whatever that takes. And in the beginning it's hard, it feels scary, it feels like a big risk. But let me assure you, that feeling of security that you get from the safe life that you lead is actually what is getting in the way of a life you love.

Think of yourself as a boat, the safe life you have formed is the rope that ties you to shore, its stops you from sinking in the storm, but it also stops you from floating away and discovering a whole new world, it confines you. And the safer it feels, i'm afraid the bigger the rope that ties you down.

What I hear from people, especially around this time, pre-election, is how the government is responsible for their happiness, and what they want to know is what are they going to do to rectify that. Well i'm afraid your happiness is something that you are responsible for. 

The happiness of a nation cannot be found in statistics or measurable results of any kind. This world is obsessed with measuring, and nothing can be counted as important unless it can be measured. And politicians seem to only talk in a language of measurement.

Reuben revelling in the opportunity of responsibility

One of my favourite quotes is this: 
"Because we cannot measure the things that have the most meaning, we give the most meaning to the things we can measure." 
And this has never been more true than it is today. We need to stop focussing on the measurable, meaningless things in life, and start to give some time and space to those things that can't be measured. Love, passion, creativity, beauty, integrity and belief.

Right now they are trying to revive a dying plant by cutting off branches. Look at the roots, look down, discover what's missing, and put it there, and in time life will come back to the limbs that you were going to cut off.

So leaders, don't sell me your 20 point plan that eliminates the national debt. Tell me what you are going to do to inspire action from the people, tell me what you believe and what your dreams of a future society look like, and tell me how you see Britain flourish from the ground up. 

Make this one count

This morning I woke up, and the first lines of a poem were going around in my head, so before i gt out of bed, i wrote them down, then out came the whole poem. 

It is about making today count, and living those dreams that have lying dormant for too long. Today is the day to dust them off. Don't let today just pass by like all the rest.



Make This One Count

So, what about today, what will it bring?
As the moon slowly sinks beneath the earths rim,
A new day that's full of hope and surprises,
The sun brings a newly clean slate as it rises.
Will today be the day that you'll never forget
With your dreams dusted off, there's no time for regret.
So many have passed in forgotten monotony,
And they've taken with them not a piece, but a lot of me. 
So now is the time to make this day count
Because of the days left, there's a finite amount,
So stand up, be counted, leave your mark in history,
Don't let your dreams be a sad death bed mystery.
Life deserves beauty, love, risk and grace,
If not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space.
So where you're now standing, leave a mark on the ground,
Something that when you're gone will be found.
Then they will know, that you walked you're own stride,
And you weren't just another one along for the ride.
So make your mark, start building your dreams today,
Then they'll live here forever, when you've faded away.

I hope it provokes some thought.

Oliver

Simple Pleasures

The weekend brought us some incredible weather down in Devon,  Warm spring days, full of sunshine and blue skies. We spent the weekend spotting all the signs of spring, the bank of snowdrops in our garden, the crocusses and primroses, cherry trees in blossom. And although it's not yet technically spring yet, this weekend had us all fooled.

The Family on the gorgeous beach.

We spent Saturday afternoon on the beach, with the moon close to full, the spring tide meant that at low tide the rock pools were uncovered. I don't remember the last time I experienced such a sense of excitement and deep happiness shared with the children, socks and shoes were discarded and we lost track of time as we searched the pools for crabs, fish, shrimps starfish and other amazing creatures. Our joy was so visible that it spread and before we knew it other children joined in.

This was a kind of happiness that can only be experienced when all else is forgotten, and the shared experience of excitement is tangible and all consuming to the point where children show behaviour that many parents think that their children lack. Selflessness, kindness and taking joy in others happiness,

Some of the beautiful treasures from the beach

This experience, is one of life's most important and valuable lessons. Learning that the experience of sharing happiness, means that everyone has it. Learning that putting someone elses experience of life before yours, means that everyone is happy.

Our experiences in childhood shape our lives forever, what we love, what makes us happy. It's when we decide which ways of being are the best to survive the harsh world, and how to use them. It's when we create our happiest memories. And all of our happiest times as an adult will be when we tap into those times as a child when we had the ability to get lost in moments, get taken away by imagination or dream beyond the limiting reasonable-ness that we constrict our lives with as adults. We can all remember a time when life was limitless. And having that memory is such an important part of being alive.

Bobby the butterfish

If we can give our children the opportunity to learn that when they give to others, not only will they bring happiness to others and enhance their experience of life, but they will themselves find happiness in that. Then this will live with them forever. And they will take it into adulthood and spread it across the world. And god knows the world could use it.

I believe that selfless generosity is one of the most powerful tools that we as humans have in our kit. I know from my own experience that the times that my life felt the smallest and I felt most frustrated or unhappy, were times when I was focusing more on making myself happy. These were times when I put myself first, I was taking, and trying to find happiness for myself.

I also know that the best way to expand our experience of the world, find fulfillment and real, lasting happiness is to give, share and spread any kind of love you can. And the most powerful time to give is when you don't think you have enough.

This is the way life works: If there is something missing from your life, give it away, and suddenly, as if by magic, there it is.

If it's missing from your party, bring it!

If you feel that there is no love in your life, give some away, and you will have it. If you feel a lack of trust in your life, give someone your trust, and you will have it. And if you can't find happiness in your life, give some away, make someone else happy, and you will find it.

Be generous, kind and loving. Do it for them, and you'll be doing it for yourself.

Uncover happiness.

"Organisation is the key to happiness!"

Alitza finding happiness in a tree.

This is one of the joke phrases that i preach around our house in the hope that others might take it on board, and while it is a joke, like all jokes there is a little truth in it. Stay with me and i'll run you through it.

In the wake of the whole un-schooling movement in our life we have had a big clear out, everything from the attic to the papers in the filing cabinet, kids toys, clothes, cookware. It was all taken out and put in front of the ruthless jury that asked just one question. Does it have value in our lives?

Something being of value can mean a host of things, do we use it? do we love it? do we need it? and so on. And unless each item serves some purpose or adds something of value to our lives then it has to go. Don't get me wrong, we don't live in a minimalist home with one set of clothes and a dinner set each. But thanks to our recent cleanse, we now live in a home where there is a sense of space, a sense that we can now breathe and enjoy the space that we have.

Watching the children in their newly sorted, tidied and organised playroom made me realise that it actually was true, now that they could see the floor, they could see the set of play stands, cloths, pegs, paper etc. Their imaginations were immediately sparked, and the most elaborate games took place, that involved structures, and travel, adventure and exploration. This game simply wasn't possible when the floor was covered with mess and the things they needed were buried. Something new was now possible.

This playing and dreaming was happiness at it's very purest. And i'm not saying that it was all because of the organising, but the clear room and tidy playthings was the catalyst for a sudden, huge expression of creativity and passion, on a level that i can only dream of.

And it occurred to me that i get the same sense of creativity, space and freedom from seeing a space clear, tidy and open. Suddenly things are possible that weren't before. I especially love the sense of clarity i gain from transforming a space from messy, cluttered and unused into a beautiful haven of possibility. It's like the tangible version of what life coaching creates, clearing away the accumulated debris and mess, to leave a clearing, an open space, within which new things can be created, and things are suddenly possible that weren't before.

Eli, on the tools.

Dreaming is something that i get people to do in a new open space in their lives as part of being coached, when we have cleared away the mess. Often people forget that they can dream, and as soon as they try, immediately they limit their dreams with "reality" or "feasibility".

When you listen to a childs dream, there are no limiting factors. They can dream as big or small as they please. Knowing that a dream is all it is, there is no need to limit your dreams or cut them down unless you are planning on fitting them into a small space, a messy space perhaps.

We all have dreams from childhood, you may not think you do, but you do. But something will have touched you or really spoken to you as a child, and it will have stayed with you. It may not seem huge or even be something specific, and often it's completely illogical or crazy, but it is very real. And it will never leave you, it is why you have that feeling that there is something you still haven't achieved in life.

Reuben dreaming up high

My big childhood dream is one of adventure and vehicles. The freedom and endless possibility of carrying your home with you. I get excited by long drives, new places and even service stations, it takes me back to a place in my childhood that was happy beyond measure. Which is why, when i bought a rusty old van, converted it into a small home and travelled Europe with my children i experienced a deep sense of happiness and peace that i couldn't explain, a tangible sense of knowing that what i was doing was right, and it was fulfilling something deep inside me that knew what life was really all about. And i couldn't logically explain why i did it, or what it would achieve. But what it created was magic, for me and my family.

So my advice today is to do some sorting, clear a space, and you never know what you might find. You might find the clarity, space and freedom to do something you didn't previously think possible, or you may even find, buried deep under things that you haven't moved for a long time. an old dream, and if you take it out and make it happen, then you might just discover the happiness and peace that you have been looking for.

Isaac, just being Isaac.